The Loss of a Child and What It Means on a Spiritual Level
Lucy Baker, C.C.Ht.
I feel drawn to write about a subject that isn't spoken about much: the loss of a child and where these souls go after leaving the Physical according to studies and my own personal experience. As a child who grew up attending Spiritualist and psychic development training circles, I would often witness the presence of spirit at these gatherings. As a child, I attracted the interest of children who had passed on who lingered by their grieving parents.
Often these children would present themselves in a way that allowed for easy identification such as the wearing of a favorite dress, mentioning their age at their passing, expressing a certain characteristic. I would see a child living alongside its parent in the Physical, and perhaps two years later, see the same child but two years older. This was a revelation to me - that children in spirit still grew up with their parents!
In later years, I would go to a house of a person wanting a reading from me and see who was there in spirit and find children wanting to talk to me. Often my clients were women who had experienced abortion and still held much shame, guilt and sorrow about a choice that they felt had to be made at that time. To be visited by the spirit of their child was truly healing and uplifting for many. Children in spirit who were due to incarnate back into the family would also be seen. Just as in life, if we can't catch one bus, we'll wait for the next one, but in the meantime, they lingered close to mum.
I have come to accept that it is almost irrelevant how a soul passes, and that there are no judgments placed upon the exit of a soul from the earthplane with the exception of adult suicide. Abortion, miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS and death by other means all appear, in my experience, to result in journeying along the same highway - the one that funnels through to waiting family members and guides in spirit, who travel with them to a nurturing space to await a future incarnation, be it in months or 30 years' time.
In reality, abortion is merely a postponement of the entry of a soul rather than the perceived obliteration of a soul, as religious groups believe. The most important mission for the mother is to learn something of value from the traumatic experience, and to then resolve and discuss her decision with the prospectively departing soul. An understanding of the choices that have led her to this situation must be realized, as there are always the greatest of lessons in the deepest of traumas.
Guilt is a tremendous waste of precious energy, especially when we consider that a soul has not been lost after all. An occasional soul may be disgruntled at missing a certain bus at a certain time, but the vast majority of souls, in my experience as a hypnotherapist, express relief at not having to come down and do school for a few more terms! Life is school, after all, and chockful of hardship and trial - so who wouldn't prefer to avoid the experience for just a few years longer?
If your traumatic experience of abortion, miscarriage or stillbirth has kept you in a frozen state of pain, consider whether it could be time to thaw out, heal, have a conversation with that growing child in spirit standing next to you, and move on into a richer, fuller life again, wiser than ever. Guilt has no place in spiritual learning - it only serves to halt our progress, block our vision and keep us in a victim-like place. It may well be time to activate the powerful vortex energy that is all around you and send these unhelpful thoughts to the Light. Where there is Guilt, there are no lessons learned.
Finally, practice compassion towards yourself and others who have been faced with this often agonizing decision. What we judge in others will almost inevitably lead us to live the other side of that judgment. As the Buddhists say, pain is inevitable, suffering is not, so learn from the pain rather than allowing pain to hold you in a state of non-growth.
In numerous life after death studies, it's been found that up to 75% of all deceased children visit their parents in the days and weeks after the event. They tend to appear in dreams and meditations, as these are times when our controlling and awake mind is asleep and not blocking our natural intuition and connection to Spirit.
Our grief can hold the spirit of a loved one close to the earthplane, sometimes for longer than it wants to be around. So as we heal slowly, they surround us, breathing love and healing into our energy, enfolding us in arms that many of us, locked in our grief, do not feel. It's as if we have hung up the telephone while they sit persistently on the other end, trying to get through, sometimes just to let us know that they are all right. They are fine but they are worried about us and our refusal to let them move onwards.
Where children are concerned, there's no need for any holding at all, as they will happily hang around their grieving parents, traveling with them, playing in their usual places in the house and looking up occasionally to see if mum and dad are feeling better and happier.
The more you heal yourself and know they are there with you, the happier everyone will be. Life is continuous. With death, it is only the physical nature of a relationship that is changed. True, you cannot hold your child in the way you used to, but you can if you meet them in your dreams and adapt your expectations of what a loving relationship looks and feels like. Your child is with you now, and what's more, your child wants you to keep living.
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